woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
