He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
