I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
