When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize