i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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