So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
