She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
