Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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