Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
