No stitches, just platelets and will power
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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