dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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