so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
