Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
