Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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