I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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