Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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