An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
