At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
