Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
