Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
