You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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