i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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