Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
