oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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