i was born a porn star she said
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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