Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
