Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
