I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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