pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
