i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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