I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
