You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
