You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize