another moral hangover. fuck.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
