Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
