I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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