dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
