the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
