My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
