I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
