I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
