the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
