But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
