Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
