this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
