She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
