But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
