Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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