Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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