We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
