youre lurking in front of me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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