Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
