I got chris browned last night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
