Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
