Your tits are I can't wait for
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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