you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
