I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
