i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
