That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
