bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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