There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
