I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
