Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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