she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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