I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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