He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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