so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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