You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
