my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Someone came in the potted fern
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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