I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
