So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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