new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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