No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
