Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
