I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
