she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize