So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
