I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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