Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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