You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
