Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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