using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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