The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
