So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
