Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
