: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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