What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize