My hair reeks of homosexuality.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
