i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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