I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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