Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
