I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize