Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
