I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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