I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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