He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
