In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
