im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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