I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
